When I think about the holidays I think back to all of the joyous times with my family as a child. I think back to all of the years in which I spent months counting down the days until December when there was a certain feeling of togetherness and festivity in the air. The holidays were a special time in my childhood and a much simpler time in my life, when putting up all of the Christmas lights and decorations and being with my family were the highlights of my year. In the past few years those feelings faded away and the holidays lost their importance to me. I no longer looked forward to being with my family and getting into the holiday spirit due to the fact that I was so separated from what really and truly mattered as a result of my addiction. I was physically there but I was not present by any means. I spent the past few holiday seasons looking forward to getting high and I was so out of touch with what the holidays are all about. Instead of being excited to be with my family and celebrate the holidays, I looked at it as if I was obligated to be with my family and I spent my time waiting around to get as high as I could because I felt as if I had to be intoxicated in order to be with my family and enjoy it. Being with my family at the house on Thanksgiving brought me back to the holidays that I had when I was younger and it truly made me realize how fortunate I am to have my relationship with my parents and my brother back. This is going to be my first sober Christmas in about 6 years and I am so excited to be present and to celebrate the holiday with my family.
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