I am a mother of 3 wild & crazy young adults….
I also grew up in a drug era, and I admit, I took part in some of the popular drugs of that time. One day in high school,l I got really scared, and decided at that moment I would never do drugs ever again.
Like a light switch, no thank you, I never want that out of control, loosing it feeling again, and no one could talk me into it just one more time, I was over it.
Like everyone, I’ve seen friends who stopped and ones who just couldn’t….I lost my best childhood friend to alcohol and drugs at age 50.
I thought I would be able to see the signals of a kid who may have an issue with at least, alcohol.
And I did….Mommy red flags started going off when he was in 10th grade.
Okay, I was good at calling it, but how the heck do you stop or control it…….
I read books on addictions, asked friends….I implemented new rules around the house,
Only to find myself chasing him to see if they were done…putting family locator on his phone…running after him to see if everything was ok.
There started the Chasing Game, our new relationship, No Relationship!!!
…I had lost him…
Somehow I talked him into going to see a counselor & they saw each other for almost 2 years, this being 11th & 12th grade. I thought this helped, but I knew in my heart he was lying to the man and me.
What kind of relationship is it when you are in constant fear something bad is going to happen to your son.
Or that, you may be called to go to bat for him, knowing he’s the one who messed up.
Sleepless nights are an understatement!!! Where did the happy, funny kid, I use to know go?
Okay, he gets into college….do I put him in a rehab and hold off college for a year? Then he could go back to college, ya right, rehab then go to Boulder sober….that’s a set up for failure, but he would be alive. Forget college I want him alive…..maybe he’ll grow out of all this, and be fine while in college.
Yes, he was sweet and huggy, and he could tell me lies about how he can control himself….
I felt like I was sending him off to die.
Our relationship was with myself about him.
But, by the Grace of God….He lived through college, but not without major issues… DUI’s, Seizures, Grades, Operations to put his body parts back together……basically, a Parental Hell…
But maybe it was the State Mandatory Drug Testing that started the ball rolling toward saving him.
He was looking at more months of drug testing, and his thought was if he went into a sober house with testing, maybe he could cut his time in half.
A crack in the door opens, and you jump on it, because he’s only looking to getting the fastest way back to drinking and using, and I’m only looking to save his life.
I called everyone I knew who’s kid had gone into a rehab or sober living and went to see half of them.
I put my son in New Life House for 90 days. We went right from the airport into their “Miracle House”.
Believe me, he tried on the idea of leaving at about 70 days, but this time, by the grace of his peers inside this MIRACLE HOUSE, they talked him into staying longer.
In a few days it will be a year he has been at Miracle House.
And, our relationship is no longer colored in my post-traumatic-stress response.
I’m able to open my heart without fear in it, and hear his words, and love him for his words and hopes and dreams. To see his struggles and pride with none of the attachments….its just pure him now…and how beautiful he is.