12 Dec A New Holiday In Recovery
Last year was my first time home from college for the holidays. I came home for Christmas break and was excited because I love Christmas and the holidays. My mom’s birthday is on Christmas Eve. I got in a huge argument with her earlier that day. I had made the great decision to get drunk during the day and went to apologize to my mom once I was drunk.
I told her that I was sorry for the way I had been acting and she knew something was up. She quickly found out that I was drunk and she could smell the alcohol on my breath. She told me to stop drinking and was upset, but I couldn’t tell. I agreed to not drink anymore and just hangout for the rest of the day, but later that night I went and drank some more. I ended up blacking out and making a fool of myself in front of my parents and their friends. My parents had told me that I had ruined Christmas and I felt as if no one in the house wanted me to be there. It made me feel terrible and I couldn’t believe what had happened.
I had ruined the holidays for the whole family and showed a side of myself I never knew I had. I damaged my relationships and fell into a depressed state for what I had done. The holidays are supposed to be about family and love and care. It is a time where you get together with your loved ones and share a great time together with laughter, joy, and love. That is what I hope to make this next Christmas all about.
I want to spend time with my family and be present for them. I want to show them how much I love and care for them and be able to show up for them because they have done that for me, time and time again. I want to make this Christmas an enjoyable time where my family can look back and think to themselves, that was one of the best Christmases we have had together as a family. I want to make it about them; I want to show them how blessed I feel to have them in my life, and how much I love them for being here for me and all that they do.
The holidays so far have been a lot better than I expected. I was nervous for the holidays and felt that they would be awkward and difficult for the rest of my family; my family and I have gotten pretty used to spending the holidays together in our own home, so I felt as if it would be weird for all of us with me being at New Life House. I have no doubt that my family would have loved to have me home for the holidays, and they have missed having me at home as well as I have missed being home. But they holidays have been a blast here at New Life; for thanksgiving my whole family came up. My brothers, my mom and dad, my sister, my grandpa, and my aunt and uncle were all here and it was really good to see all of them. I was definitely feeling nervous when they first arrived and had thoughts that it would be weird for them and boring, but all of that subsided once they arrived. Everyone was happy to see me and I was super pumped to have all of them here with me.
We started to play foosball as a family which is something I haven’t done with them since I was little, and we were all having a blast. We sat down for dinner and all got to talking and laughing and it felt great to be present with my family. I got to talk to my grandpa as well which was the best because me and him are very close; he told me that this was nothing like he thought it would be and he was so happy that I was here and trying to get better. It really meant a lot to me to hear him say that and I was reassured that this was the right place for me to be. All in all, Thanksgiving was a blast and my family and I had a great experience together filled with fun and laughter. I am looking forward to the Christmas party coming up because not only do I love Christmas, but it is another opportunity where I get to see my family and make it about them.
-Alex M., New Life House member