As a modern parent, you may find yourself navigating a complex landscape of different parenting styles and family dynamics. Different parenting styles can significantly impact various aspects of a child’s life, including emotional regulation and self-sufficiency. You might struggle with balancing the need to set boundaries and developing a healthy relationship with your child. This dilemma may lead you to act more as a friend to your child, rather than fulfilling the traditional parental role of setting rules. What implications does this imbalance have, and how can you strike the right balance?
Understanding Parenting Styles
Parenting styles are the general approaches to parenting most parents use to raise their children. Psychologists and researchers have identified four main parenting styles based on parental demands and responsiveness to children, that encompass the attitudes, behaviors, and strategies you might utilize when interacting with your children . The style of parenting you use will determine your parent-child relationship.
Here are the four most common types of parenting styles:
1. Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parents tend to balance high expectations with emotional support and open communication. This style of parenting often leads to a closer relationship between parents and children due to clearly set expectations, explained disciplines, and emotional nurturing. As a result, children raised this way are better equipped for adulthood and encouraged to strive for independence.
An authoritative parenting style builds strong bonds between you and your kids. You set clear expectations and explain why rules matter, all while showing your love. This approach positively influences your child’s behavior, giving them a solid foundation for growing up.
By balancing guidance with warmth, children learn to make good choices on their own, not just because you said so. This style prepares your kids for the real world. They grow up feeling confident, understood, and ready to tackle life’s challenges.
2. Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parents emphasize obedience and discipline with less focus on emotional nurturing.
You might be an authoritarian parent if you find yourself setting strict rules without much explanation. In this style, you expect your children to follow your commands without question. There’s little room for negotiation, and mistakes often lead to punishment rather than discussion.
While you have high expectations for your children, you might not always show warmth or nurturing. Your love is there, but it’s expressed through structure and discipline rather than flexibility and open communication.
This approach can create a sense of order, but it might also leave your children feeling unheard.
3. Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents offer plenty of warmth and emotional support yet enforce very few rules or consequences. Indulgent parents, a subset of permissive parenting, offer plenty of warmth and emotional support but have low expectations for maturity and discipline.
If you’re a permissive parent, you probably shower your kids with love and warmth. You keep the lines of communication wide open, but you might shy away from setting firm rules or expectations. It’s like you’re more of a friend than a parent.
This easy-going approach means you rarely discipline your children. You let them figure things out on their own, whether it’s bedtime, homework, or screen time. While this freedom can boost their self-esteem and social skills, it might leave some important life lessons unlearned.
Be aware: this hands-off style has downsides. Your kids might develop unhealthy habits, like poor eating, self-destructive behavior, or lack of self-control. They could become impulsive or struggle with self-regulation.
4. Uninvolved Parenting
Uninvolved or neglectful parents provide little emotional involvement or guidance.
Uninvolved parenting is like being a distant caretaker rather than an active guide. If this is your style, you might find yourself meeting your child’s basic needs but staying on the sidelines of their life.
You probably don’t have many rules or expectations, and heart-to-heart talks are rare. It’s not that you don’t care; you might just feel overwhelmed or unsure how to connect.
Your kids might seem independent, even resilient. They’ve learned to fend for themselves out of necessity, but beneath the surface, they could be struggling. They might have trouble managing emotions, setting boundaries, maintaining responsibilities, coping with stress, overcoming low self-esteem, or building lasting relationships.
Parenting Style Characteristics
Parenting styles are characterized by a combination of two key dimensions: responsiveness and demandingness. Responsiveness refers to how warm, nurturing, and sensitive you are to your child’s needs. Demandingness, on the other hand, is about setting clear expectations and boundaries for your child’s behavior.
Authoritarian parents are high in demandingness but low in responsiveness. This means they enforce strict rules and expect obedience without much emotional support. Permissive parents, in contrast, are high in responsiveness but low in demandingness. They are warm and nurturing but often avoid setting firm boundaries. Neglectful parents score low on both dimensions, providing minimal guidance and emotional involvement. Lastly, authoritative parents excel in both areas, combining warmth and nurturing with clear expectations and boundaries.
Understanding where you fall on these dimensions can help you identify your parenting style and make adjustments if needed.
The Friend vs. Authority Figure Dilemma
You may fear that being too authoritative will damage your relationship with your child. You might worry that setting firm boundaries could breed animosity or resentment. As a result, you may:
- Forgo attempts to set clear boundaries
- Avoid showing your child right from wrong
- Try to act like a “cool” parent to earn your child’s trust
However, this approach can backfire when you eventually need to step in and hold your child accountable. Your child may perceive the sudden shift in attitude as foreign, potentially leading to conflict.
The Importance of Authoritative Parenting
When you’re authoritative, it doesn’t mean you’re unloving. Instead, you can:
- Hold the line on family values and expectations
- Guide your children towards safer and healthier life choices
- Value and consider your child’s opinions, but under your guidance
- Set clear boundaries for both you and your children
Experts emphasize that you should make key decisions while still respecting your child’s input. This approach can help you effectively address the challenges of childhood and adolescence.
The Impact of Parenting Style on Child Development
Research has shown that your parenting style significantly impacts your child’s development. Children raised by authoritarian parents often struggle with low self-esteem, aggression, and poor social skills. This is because the strict rules and lack of emotional support can make them feel undervalued and misunderstood.
Permissive parents, while nurturing, may inadvertently encourage impulsive behavior and low self-control in their children. The lack of boundaries can lead to difficulties in managing responsibilities and making sound decisions.
Neglectful parents, who provide little guidance or emotional support, often raise children who struggle with anxiety, low self-esteem, and poor social skills. These children may feel neglected and unsupported, affecting their overall well-being.
On the other hand, children raised by authoritative parents tend to thrive. They often exhibit higher self-esteem, better social skills, and greater self-reliance. The balanced approach of warmth and clear expectations helps them develop into well-rounded individuals, ready to face life’s challenges.
Risks of Friendship-Based Parenting
If you blur the lines between friendship and parenthood, whether out of fear or convenience, you may inadvertently:
- Fail to prepare your child to be a productive or respectful member of society
- Increase the risk of negative or self-destructive behaviors in your child’s life such as drug use, alcohol use, illegal activities, unable to maintain school or work, and more.
- Neglect teaching important life skills like cleanliness, working hard, and responsibility
- Overshare adult concerns, potentially causing anxiety or negative outlooks in your child
- Create an environment where your child may be more likely to engage in substance abuse
The Impact of Lenient Parenting on Substance Abuse
With the rise of substance abuse among teens, your lenient parenting may be a contributing factor. When you set loose boundaries, your child may:
- Get involved with negative peer groups
- Experiment with increasingly dangerous substances
- Feel comfortable continuing drug or alcohol use due to your permissiveness
To combat rising rates of teen substance abuse, you should consider adopting a more authoritative approach rather than acting as a buddy to your child.
Finding the Right Balance
You can adopt the most effective parenting approach by combining elements of both leniency and authority. This balanced approach involves:
- Knowing when to hold firm on rules and when to be flexible
- Building a relationship based on understanding and love
- Considering both your perspective and your child’s
- Setting clear boundaries while still enjoying life with your child
- Fulfilling your parental role to ensure a happy and safe life for your child
Tips for Parents
Adopting an authoritative parenting style can positively influence your child’s development. Here are some practical tips to help you get started:
- Be warm and nurturing: Show your child love, care, and affection. This emotional support is crucial for their well-being.
- Set clear boundaries: Establish clear rules and expectations for your child’s behavior. Consistency is key.
- Be responsive: Listen to your child’s needs and feelings, and respond in a sensitive and supportive way. This helps build trust and understanding.
- Encourage independence: Allow your child to make decisions and take responsibility for their actions. This fosters self-reliance and confidence.
- Practice positive discipline: Use positive reinforcement, such as praise and rewards, to encourage good behavior. This approach is more effective than punishment.
By incorporating these tips into your daily interactions, you can create a nurturing and structured environment that supports your child’s growth.
Can You Change Your Parenting Style?
Yes, you can change your parenting style, and doing so can have a positive impact on your child’s development. Here’s how you can make the transition:
- Identify your current parenting style: Reflect on your parenting behaviors or take a parenting style quiz to understand your current approach.
- Set goals: Determine the changes you want to make and set specific, achievable goals.
- Seek support: Reach out to your partner, family, friends, or a therapist for support and guidance.
- Practice new behaviors: Start incorporating new parenting behaviors, such as being more responsive or setting clear boundaries.
- Be patient: Changing your parenting style takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and your child as you make these adjustments.
Remember, the goal is to create a balanced approach that combines warmth and structure, fostering a healthy and supportive environment for your child.
The Impact of the Pandemic on Your Parenting Style
The COVID-19 pandemic may have influenced your parenting style. You might have become more lenient about:
- Screen time limits
- Bedtime routines
- General household rules
Interestingly, this shift hasn’t been entirely negative. You may have adapted well to this new dynamic, experiencing:
- Better knowledge and understanding of your children
- Mutual respect between you and your children
- Improved family relationships despite increased stress
Find Substance Abuse Support for Your Teen
As you navigate parenting in the modern era, you need to strike a delicate balance between authority and friendship. While it’s important to build a strong, positive relationship with your child, it’s equally important to maintain clear boundaries and fulfill your parental role. By combining understanding and love with consistent rules and guidance, you can help your child navigate the challenges of growing up and develop into a well-adjusted adult.
If you’re struggling with parenting challenges or concerned about your teen’s behavior, especially regarding substance abuse, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Sober living programs like New Life House offer specialized support for both young adults and their families, focusing on improving relationships and promoting personal growth in a supportive environment.
References
- Sanvictores, T., & Mendez, M. D. (2022, September 18). Types of parenting styles and effects on children. StatPearls – NCBI Bookshelf. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK568743/
