Recovering from addiction is a lifelong process that involves the entire family when it comes to healing the far-reaching effects of addiction. Due to the negative stigma associated with substance abuse, you and your family may feel a sense of shame when struggling with addiction.
Transcend Shame – A Podcast with Patrick Hawkins
In a recent podcast hosted by Brenda Zane of Hope Stream Community, our Program Enhancement Specialist, Patrick Hawkins, spoke about how parents and their kids can transcend shame. Patrick has worked with thousands of young men and their families throughout their journey in healing from addiction. His perspective provides valuable insight into how to navigate feeling shame and addiction.
You can listen to the whole podcast here.
Shame can come from a general misunderstanding of substance use disorders and failure to separate you from your addiction and the behaviors associated with it. Experiencing shame surrounding addiction can create challenging obstacles as you try to heal. To overcome the shame and the guilt associated with addiction to fully recover, we need first to understand substance use disorders and how they affect you and your loved ones.
Understanding Substance Use Disorder
Substance use disorder is a treatable mental illness that can be approached with a wide range of treatments that promote recovery and a healthy lifestyle. Often, short-term residential treatment centers focus on treating the substance use itself, yet overlook the behavioral side of addiction. While it is an important and sometimes necessary first step in recovery, rehab can only provide so much. The effects of addiction can cause emotional distress in your life along with your loved ones which requires more time to heal.
Hawkins states, “…when we’re talking about substance use disorders, what we’re talking about is a condition which the manifestation of the symptomology of it has these behavioral presentations that have a very strong moral connection because what we’re talking about are behaviors such as dishonesty, cheating, lying, stealing, and a presentation of just not caring.” In active addiction, it is difficult to recognize these behaviors and the underlying emotional impact that leads to guilt and shame.
Thirty, sixty, or even ninety days in a drug rehabilitation center is not enough time to appropriately address the behavioral side of addiction that needs to be taken into account just as importantly as the substance abuse itself.
Related: What Every Parent Needs To Know About Addiction
The Relationship Between Shame and Addiction
Shame is just one of the many emotions that people struggle with that comes from the stigma associated with substance abuse. There are also the destructive behaviors that coincide with substance use disorders that need to be considered.
Recognizing that when you don’t care or understand the impact your destructive behaviors have on yourself or those around you is a symptom of your addiction can open the door for an opportunity for you to truly heal. Through the healing process, you will begin to understand the shame you feel around your addiction isn’t a reflection of who you are as a person, but a reflection of the addiction itself. Allowing you to separate yourself from your addiction and the shame and destructive behaviors that surround it.
As Hawkins states: “…when we can look at them as being an individual that’s suffering and that is in this condition, we can start to humanize them and start to separate the behaviors from the individual.”
The Addiction Recovery Process
In early recovery, it is common to struggle with the idea of being sober and attempting to identify the real problem. Once there has been some separation from drugs and alcohol and mental clarity comes back, the negative feelings and emotions many people use substances to forget, start flooding in.
Understanding Guilt and Shame in Recovery
Usually in the form of anger, shame and guilt, these emotions are difficult to face. You may question why you feel the way you do and try to find the source of the problem. Realizing that the addiction itself is the problem and sobriety providing a road map of action to take is the solution is often your first step to overcome shame and addiction. As Patrick pointed out: “…a lot of times when guys find out that it is addiction , they really start to have a degree of hope because does manifest in so many other ways.”
Over time, unidentified and unresolved negative emotions may surface and remain unidentified which creates emotional distress and perpetuates substance use. Structured sober living programs like New Life House provide the time and resources necessary to address these past actions and behaviors, change them, and as a result, build your self-esteem and mental health, establish self-worth, and overcome the underlying emotional distress that wreaks havoc in your life.
Addiction Shame in Parents and Families
Unfortunately, feeling shameful about having a family member struggling with addiction is normal. Hawkins mentions that, “I don’t think there’s a way to not feel shame about it. I mean, at least not to have shame develop.” This shame can develop from many angles including fear, family history, judgment from friends and other family members, and how it makes your family look overall.
As a parent, you may blame yourself for the current addiction of your loved one and may feel responsible for your childs substance abuse issues. Hawkins said that parents might be “Subconsciously questioning and judging themselves as doing badly as a parent.” In reality, it is not your fault that your child went down a path that lead to addiction.
Additionally, just because you are abusing substances regularly and it seems like you don’t care doesn’t mean you are a bad person. Over time, substances become the main focus when in active addiction. Everything from positive or negative emotions, your mental health, responsibilities, and morals start to not matter when experiencing addiction. While they may not be noticeably active or used daily, your emotions and morals are still there. When you decide to get sober, all emotions and morals will come back, starting with a strong sense of shame and guilt and then turning into a powerful attitude of gratitude.
Overcome Shame as a Family
Another important thing to consider when it comes to shame and addiction is finding an outlet to express and process the current emotional state of your family. As Patrick points out, “Now, once starts to develop, what we do is find a place to talk about it.” Support groups such as parents of addicted loved ones (PALS), Al-Anon, and others provide great resources and a sense of community for families struggling with a loved one in addiction.
Coming to terms with addiction and accepting that you are not responsbile of your loved one’s decisions in life can procure a sense of freedom from control and as a result, the shame you feel can dissipate as well. Overcoming shame is a turning point in recovery that can be used to help others who feel ashamed and work together to break down this stigma of shame that keeps addiction where it likes to be, in the dark.
Addiction Recovery for Your Entire Family
At New Life House, we understand how addiction impacts families and the challenges they go through alongside their loved ones who are recovering. If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction and the shame that accompanies it, we provide hope for a brighter future.
Our robust recovery model is designed to help young men and their families recover from the disease of addiction. We involve families through dynamic family programming that includes group therapy sessions, weekly updates, and an online meeting for families whose loved ones are new members of our community.
Outpatient mental health and substance abuse programming is provided throughout multiple stages of our program, with access to mental health professionals, case managers, and certified drug and alcohol counselors. Our educational program offers opportunities to continue school or pursue new academic goals. The strength of our community is supported by the alumni program, keeping graduates from throughout our 35 years connected and involved in their recovery as well as the guys who are new in the house.
Contact us today to learn more about how our sober living in Los Angeles can help you and your family overcome and heal from shame and addiction.
Last Updated on September 12, 2024
