My last Christmas using was not a pleasant experience, to say the least. It all started when I had come home from my first semester of college and was extremely disrespectful and mean to my entire family. Christmas had always been meaningful and full of love growing up, my mom’s birthday falls on Christmas eve and so it is not only a celebration of the holiday but also a special day for my ma. So Christmas break went on and I continued to be rude and selfish the entire time leading up to Christmas Eve and Christmas. I had been grounded for my actions and was not able to leave the house at all, and it was all because of my own doing. But I blamed my family and anything else that I could because I wasn’t able to see the damage I had been causing.
I felt absolutely miserable and was willing to do anything to feel the slightest bit better. So late Christmas Eve morning I went into my parent’s liquor cabinet and stole a bottle. I proceeded to the bathroom where I drank by myself and emerged feeling like everything would be fine. I felt very bad about how I had treated my family during the break and felt that it would be a good idea to go and apologize to my mom in my buzzed state. When I went to go talk to her she could tell something was up and smelt the alcohol on my breath. Scared and confused she talked to me about what I had done and told me to just chill out for the rest of the day. So I went into my room defeated once more and not really sure what to make of anything.
I was able to hangout for the rest of the day but when the alcohol started to wear off and I began to feel sick; I decided it would be a good idea to go and grab another bottle. So downstairs I went and again ended up in the bathroom. I ended up drinking until I blacked out and in the middle of my mom’s birthday dinner and made a fool of myself in front of my family and their friends. I woke up from my blackout on the couch and broke down to one of our family friends. I deeply hurt my parents that night and they had no clue what to do with me.
Christmas morning was very interesting, most of my family was still in shock about my actions from the previous night and I was trying to play it off like it was nothing. The tensions were very high and I felt out of place in my own family. My actions did not improve on Christmas and I ended up freaking out and getting into a huge fight with my family. I had stormed off to my room to get away from it all and after some time had passed my sister, my mom, and my dad came to talk to me. My sister was broken hearted and couldn’t believe how I was acting. My dad expressed his frustration with me and my mom told me that I had ruined Christmas for the whole family. My brothers were scared of me and my family wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. Christmas is supposed to be about love and family, and I sucked all the love out of the room and broke my family down.
This upcoming Christmas will be my second one in the house and so much has changed in the past fourteen months. I have built a new meaning to the word love, I have learned how to be there for my family, and have found inner peace as a result of this house and program. I get to go home this year and have never been more excited in my life. This year I get to fill their Christmas with love and joy. I get to be there for my mom on her birthday, watch my brothers open presents, play with my dogs, and most importantly tell my family I love them.