This time of year used to be a time to be thankful for my family and friends. I recall being young and looking forward to the holidays because it was just a time in life that was exciting and filled with memories that I will forever cherish. This time of year was filled with camping trips to the desert and trips around the country to my ice hockey tournaments. I always looked forward to going to other cities with my parents and having a good time. This joy that I had found was lost when I started to only think about the things that I wanted in life.
When drugs and alcohol came into my life, I slowly started finding less joy in the things that I used to love. I stopped caring about hockey and no longer wanted to go on trips with my family. I was stuck looking for ways to get high, and I was fearful of going anywhere too far from my drug dealer. I was consumed by my need to remain high.
Last year at this time I was alone in my apartment with the only companion that I cared about, drugs. I was away at college, which I was failing, and decided that the 7-hour drive home was not worth my time. Instead, I decided it was better for me to stay in my one bedroom apartment over the holidays by myself. This was to be the first holiday season that I was going to spend away from my family. I had gotten to the point that isolating from people became where I was most comfortable. I thought that spending the holiday season alone was going to be okay with me; I soon found out I was wrong. I remember how alone I felt and how depressed I got within a few days. I looked out the window at other people enjoying life, and it made me hate them. I had always been a pretty happy person but being in that place and feeling that alone was one of the darkest times that I can remember. I refused to get up and leave my home. My pride was too loud, and I stayed alone and depressed through the holidays.
This year is going to be very different for me. I have a family that supports me and that I am close with. I know that I will not be alone because I have a house full of friends that care about me. Being sober is the best gift that I could possibly ask for. I realize that the misery I put myself through was completely unnecessary. I did not need to be alone, and the fact is that it was a choice I made at the time. I know now that I can be honest with the people that love me and they will always be here to help me. I had let my pride stop me from seeking help. The fact that I am sober is the most prominent difference from this year compared to last year. I really couldn’t be happier with where I am at and with what I am doing now.