For a lot of alcoholics, finding drugs and alcohol was a welcome relief. As a kid, I remember being keenly aware of a distance that existed between me, and everyone around me. It was like they all knew the punch line to some cosmic joke, and I was the only one in the room who wasn’t laughing. So, when I got high for the first time it was as if all the discomfort I felt in my own skin disappeared and for the first time I was no longer on the outside looking in. The problem was that getting high was a temporary solution to a permanent problem. The drugs would get harder and the frequency with which I used them increased, as I kept trying to recreate that initial feeling of release that I got the first time I used. At the end I was searching for an escape that didn’t exist anymore, trying to fill a God sized hole with drugs and alcohol that just weren’t doing the trick.
27 June, 2014 / 4 Comments