Amends Tag

Most people, addicted or not, have a complicated relationship with money. Not just money, but the way that money relates to their self-worth and how they use it to define themselves. What we often forget is that money is only as important as we tell ourselves it is. This concept becomes exponentially more important in sobriety, as financial insecurity can often compromise our recovery if we aren’t careful.

I felt the need to talk about humility and the process of step 10, as it has been a consistent theme in my life over the past few months. Everyone’s experience of the steps is different, but I have found a profound importance and need of the principles of this step lately and wanted to share them with you.

I think that there are a lot of misconceptions about amends. I know that I had a twisted understanding of what they were when I first got sober, before I even got to step 9 or even had a sponsor. But I am not here to tell you what amends are or are not. I simply want to relate my experience and what they have meant to me.

When I first got sober, I heard a lot about how resentments are the “number one offender” and a large part of the reason why a lot of people relapse. It didn’t really make too much sense to me, as I always considered myself a guy who was pretty easy to get along with. Little did I know I was also a huge people pleaser but that is for another article.

Addiction does not just wreak havoc on the addict - it leaves a trail moral wreckage in it's wake. In addiction we may steal, lie, cheat, and totally disregard the needs and emotions of the people around us. We may even purposefully dole out pain to others, wanting everyone else to be as miserable as we are. And then we get sober...and all of that wreckage and hurt and destruction we caused does not disappear just because we have stopped using. So what happens next? How do we start to repair the bridges we burned and the people we spurned?

A huge part of recovery is clearing up the wreckage of our past, making amends. It’s not always an easy feat, sometimes conquering our day-to-day thoughts making our mere existence look like there is no hope in sight. However, it can be done.