I have struggled with addiction since my first encounter with drugs and alcohol-let me tell you, they are right: “once an addict always an addict.” Being a female addict-a manipulative and incredibly street smart one at that-getting sober can take a whole lot of work, as I can milk the ones I love for a long time, enabling me to stay loaded. Yet my life is undeniably better when I’m living a sober life physically, mentally and spiritually.
The Life of a Female Addict
Living as a female addict, sober or not, I am extremely driven and do not stop until I get what I want. Whether that’s my fix, my dream car, the apartment I want, etc. I was a heavy drug addict from ages 15 to 20 when I finally got sober, moving from cocaine, to OxyContin, to heroin and meth. I never finished anything, and I ran through people’s lives, hurting everyone around me.
When I finally entered Clarity House, a sober living for women in 2010, I had been scraping my bottom as a female addict for a couple of years. I was completely and utterly suicidal and saw no point in living. The desperation I had for a new life was my blessing toward the rebuilding of it. I had stayed sober for two months shy of five years when I made the decision to drink again.
Coming Back as a Female Addict
I write this to you with 12 days sober and a soul full of ambition again. Coming back is not easy, but for some reason I was alleviated of most of my ego, enabling this female addict to stand up as a newcomer without any shame, rather with experience to share with my community.
I made the decision to drink, unconvinced that I had tried to manage and control my drinking. I quickly learned that I do indeed have a physical allergy to alcohol, which inevitably leads me back to my drugs of choice – which cannot even be used recreationally; it becomes a dark lifestyle immediately.
Sobriety is the Only Way
Luckily, I didn’t let it last too long and quickly surrendered, asking for help. My parents had had enough by now, and thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous I have a long list of amazing people who will unconditionally love and support me.
Sobriety is the only way for me. My life is so much better when I’m sober. I may have lost my years of sobriety, but I didn’t lose my experience and everything I learned. Through the help of my sober female friends who surround me, I was able to pick myself back up and find a reason for living again.