Oh, how I love the holidays! Sweet, warm memories from early childhood rush in and occupy the dark and forgotten corners of my mind. Past Christmases all taking place at once; the lights, the tree, the Grinch and my grandpa’s divine cooking which was enough to melt even the coldest soul on the coldest night.
Then Papa and Nana’s castle within the Texas trees; the years flew by there. It seems that almost yesterday, I was receiving the presence that sparked the lights of the seasons into my childish eyes. Christmas has always been about family; something I nearly tossed out the window in my journey through my alcoholism. I kept the presents and sweets – the material things. It was the family I set aside for a more manageable time that fit me.
It’s the time now, where I, with an open heart, reclaim my childhood Christmas. For during my active drinking and using, my mind was elsewhere and my heart was “two sizes too small.” In other words, I just wasn’t fully there. I was always miles off In some distant land with some other more elaborate presence amongst people with bigger and better lives. But don’t get me wrong, I love my family to death. But I did not always appreciate them and everything they did for me. “The grass was always greener on the other side” was my thought process.
Now I have been given the opportunity to not only be there with my family, but to also show up and be there for them. And with my new brothers to guide me along and show me the way, I will surely keep to my word. This Christmas I will be there. In mind, body and spirit. This Christmas will stand for something, it will be special; one for the ages. Welcome to my first sober holiday season!
NLH House Member