As a kid I always loved the holidays especially Christmas time in Chicago, although my family did not celebrate Christmas the holidays were in full effect and I loved every minute of it seeing the snow on the ground, the lights on the houses as well as breaking out a sweater and sitting by the fireplace being with my family.
When I was in the depths of my using I did not see the holidays the same way I did when I was a kid. To me it was a blur and I had completely numbed myself to my family as well as anyone who cared about me. I remember I was never present, I was always gone and I felt a lot of shame and guilt for not being the son or the brother I wanted to be because of my using. I could not my face reality especially when everyone was home for the holidays.
Christmas has been a complete change for me since I have been sober. I get to experience a new spin on the holidays and I get to share it with my brothers in the house. I am in a lot of gratitude for New Life because they gave me the opportunity to change my life and be that son I always wanted to as well a brother. My whole outlook on life is a lot different now and the things that at one point were not important to me are now one of the things I yearn for the most and I would not be in touch with that unless I got sober. I look forward to getting to spend time with my parents this holiday season and build on our relationship together. I am grateful that I get to feel again and I am able to get excited like a little kid and experience love and joy and be present for it all. The house has given me the tools to lead a happy life and I am forever indebted to the house and what we do here.