Christmas time is very dear to me and always has been. It’s always been my favorite holiday without a doubt. Something about the atmosphere, the Christmas music, the emotions I feel, the family we get to re-connect with, all culminates to such a beautiful time. I loved how happy everyone is and, almost by default, in a cheery mood. I get very nostalgic thinking about previous holidays and all the fun times we had with friends and family. It traditionally has always been a white Christmas for us in the past, so celebrating one without snow is going to be weird. It’s a love/hate relationship with the snow – I love the snow but when it would come down hard that year, it was shoveling every morning. Christmas changed for me dramatically when I started to use drugs. It became something I would look forward to. Getting high around the holidays was, in my eyes, much better than any other day of the year. It was almost like the nostalgia that came with the holiday heightened by the drugs made it that much more appealing to me.
A lot of emotions come up when thinking about my first sober Christmas in a very long time. I think first and foremost it will give me the opportunity to actually be present. I have the privilege of spending Christmas with a graduate that I’ve looked up to in the house since day one. So I’m beyond grateful that I am given this opportunity and I hope to show nothing but respect and joy towards his family for bringing me along. I think I will have a great time out there in Chicago with all the snow but I’m also prepared for the possibility of it bringing up some emotions for me. But I think me having a clear head and the fact that I’ve learned a few tools to cope with my emotions since I’ve been in the house will help me aid in that process. I am more excited than anxious to experience a sober holiday with a family that I know is just fantastic and more than happy to have me. It will be a whole lot of fun and I look forward to starting the first of many sober holidays.