31 Jul Letting Go & Letting God
When the day came that I had to close the door on my son because of his continued drug use it was exceptionally painful; you see, I had always believed I could change him—that I could make him better—whole again, by removing the negatives in his life so that he wouldn’t need to use drugs or alcohol. Time after time, in and out of jail fighting the judicial system, in and out of detox, I felt if I could only just get him to a better place, then everything would be fine.
The night I told him he could no longer live under my roof was a gut wrenching ordeal. I had listened to his lies and been manipulated for the last time. Our home life was wrecked, I had to salvage what I could of myself, and my relationship with my partner (now husband).
Detaching myself didn’t mean I stopped caring or loving him. I just knew I could no longer continue to contribute to his addiction and allow the destruction to continue. Other family members tried also but ultimately had to tell him to leave. At this point we were all used up.
It was heartbreaking to to know he was out there with no place to live, no job and struggling to survive. Doing the right thing for him certainly didn’t feel good to me or anyone else.
But stepping away gave me some clarity to see that his behavior and choices were not only destructive to us all, but was ultimately going to destroy him.
The reality is by closing the door that night, it forced me to realize that “letting go and letting God” was my only choice. I searched relentlessly for a solution, I read everything I could find, I attended Al-non meetings hoping to hear the answers.
Unfortunately, there is no black or white clear-cut solution. The one thing I gained from this was, I was not alone, addiction was rampant in all walks of life with no prejudice of who it effected or how many lives it wrecked.
The shame I had felt of my son’s addiction, that somehow was my fault started to ease. It helped to have support. It also became somewhat easier to admit “My son is a drug addict!” out loud!
Six months later, he finally reached bottom. It was then and only then, that I was able to offer him his last best chance to get clean and sober.
With a commitment of 90 days, he entered New Life House. It was the most difficult thing he had ever done; he would tell me often. Today we are over a year and he is a graduate. I could not be more proud of the man he is today and the solid commitment he has made to his sobriety and to the community that supported him.
I will be forever grateful to everyone at New Life House.
– Scott W.