09 Jan Keeping My Ego Right-Sized
I honestly do not know how to keep my ego right-sized on my own. On my own I think that I am god’s gift to the world. Time after time I convince myself that I am special and that I am an exception to the rules of life but time after time I run into the same wall.
It is not until I tell another human being my mistakes and what is going on in my head that I am brought back down to an even playing field. A lot of the times I will think I am less than and my ego will do anything to protect itself, projecting an image that I am better than. If it were not someone else pointing this out to me and directing me in the right direction, I would go back to thinking that I am not an alcoholic and that I can drink again. There are instances of in-congruence along the way, but step one always helps me stay right-sized. I have to be willing to be honest with myself and look back on situations in my life that prove that I am powerless over drugs and alcohol. I have to admit complete defeat to drugs in alcohol in order to gain willingness to move forward and grow spiritually.
It is when I admit that I am powerless over people, places and things that further growth occurs. I can honestly say to myself that when I do what my will is, then things do not work out. Trying it someone else’s way completely has been the biggest struggle so far. I can get a start on doing it someone else’s way but it is a struggle for me to completely give my life up to a spiritual lifestyle. I constantly think that I have grand ideas but they have not all been so grand after all. Actually taking action with what suggestion is given to me, no matter how dumb I think it is, or if I think my ideas are better, is when I feel okay with myself and I start to experience absence of self-or ego; which gives me freedom.