05 Dec Hopes For The Holidays
My previous holiday experiences over the last few years have been inadequate to say the least. Growing up I had viewed the holidays as time for family to come together and for traditions to be started.
There was to be endless Christmas music caroling, plentiful arrangements of decorations, holiday movie binge watching, snowball fights, sledding, and of course opening presents. It was by far my favorite time of the year, as everyone seemed to have some sort of instinctual holiday spirit come alive.
Since having been enslaved into active addiction, the memories I now have of the recent holidays fall very short of the experience I had growing up. The presence that I had was mostly non-existent as I was completely consumed with myself and my selfish wants. My actions that were demonstrated had forced my family to be more absorbed with worry rather than with joy. At any sort of family gathering I was the last to arrive and the first to leave. Using, coupled with isolation was my best mate as I wanted to be alone to depress any sort of happy memory I had from the past. I was completely disconnected from reality and how my behavior was affecting the ones I love the most. I had inevitably become the Grinch, but in a much more saddening light.
This year I am very optimistic to see what the holidays are able to bring to my serenity. I have come to terms over the past several months the insanity I was actively living in. Life is no longer filled with dead ends and empty guarantees. I have been able to find a life of worthiness that I am completely accepting of. I have discovered truths about myself that hold self-evident.
My efforts this holiday will be focused on how on I can continue to reconstructively develop the relationship I have with my family as well as my peers. The brotherhood that I have discovered as a result of investing care into my life has shown with countless efforts that true happiness can once again be revealed. I am now inclined to be surrounded with people who care and understand me. The shortcomings I was living in are subtly starting to be removed as I become closer with my true self. I am now apt to participate in the cultivating of other’s lives. I no longer have to live in a remote shell of secrets and lies as my gratitude towards growing has been linearly increasing.
I am excited to now be able to express gratitude and thanks for my life and those involved in it. I know with the utmost faith that this holiday season will be exponentially better than the last. The fear I had of the holidays has dissipated as I now have a clear conscience. With these truths held close, I am ecstatic to see what gifts the holidays will bring and to see what I can give.