Emotional Sobriety

After a myriad of experiments to drink and use like a normal man, the evidence was too clear to deny, that I was powerless over drugs and alcohol. This admission to my innermost self changed the way I live my life today. The fact that I know that I am powerless over drugs and alcohol grants me the willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober today.

To me work represents a place where I can go and get quick cash to pay off my living expenses such as rent and food. It is absolutely necessary for me to have a job if I want to be self-supporting and not have to use so much of my parent’s money. School represents a place where I can spend years learning and developing skills to put to work into a career field at a later point in time.

Before I came into New Life House rehab aftercare I lived my life just plain dirty. I didn’t do my own laundry, I had plates and cups strewn about my room and I didn’t even care. It is amazing how much of an effect having my house out of order can have on my life. Since I did not keep my house in order, personal hygiene suffered as well. I wouldn’t shower regularly, I didn’t take care of my teeth and as the result of that I felt like a low life. After I came into rehab aftercare and started to see how well put together everyone here was, I really wanted what they had. They were presentable and they had their hair done and everything about them looked like they took care of the way they presented themselves. Not only did they dress and look good, but they kept the house and their own personal belongings in order.

Most of my life, I have been trying to control every single aspect and detail and as a result, things always ended up the way I didn’t want them to. Although I had proven that I couldn’t fully control situations, I still made countless attempts to stay in the control seat. Needless to say, all of these attempts had been futile. I would avoid certain social situations so I didn’t have to experience a negative outcome. Instead of working through imagined rejection, I wouldn’t even engage in interactions.