Your kid dictated treatment and now they relapsed?

Addicts Dictating Treatment Terms: What’s The Problem With This?

I guess you can’t fault parents for wanting to keep their child as comfortable as possible. But in the world of addiction treatment and recovery, there’s a disturbing trend towards letting newly sober addicts dictate the terms of their treatment. It’s interesting – when you go to the doctor with a sickness, do you ask them to present you with three different medication options? Or do you rely on their professional experience to give you the best medication possible for your particular ailment? Addiction recovery is kind of like that. There is no one size fits all method that will work for everyone – but letting a sick person dictate their treatment is a recipe for disaster. When we give newly sober addicts that kind of control, how can we be surprised when they relapse?

Addiction Centers in The Mind

The research is in, and model of addiction as a disease centering in the mind is pretty much undisputed at this point. (Want to read some nuts and bolts about it? Check this out) This means that, no, your addicted child or loved one is not a bad person. They are dealing with a scientifically validated, empirically proven, chronic disorder. Like most other chronic disorders, it is very treatable, but not with a single pill or treatment session. It takes maintenance, regular upkeep, and consistent attention to keep it in remission. This shouldn’t be discouraging – there is definitely hope for recovery. But it’s important to understand where addiction begins and stems from in order to address it effectively.

Because addiction centers in the mind, and because of how it hijacks the brain’s reward system, it effects the addict’s abilities of perception. What does any of this have to do with this article about newly sober addicts choosing their treatment? Well, everything.

When someone is suffering from a disease that directly effects the way that they perceive the world around them, make decisions, and most importantly, behave, putting them behind the steering wheel of their recovery is like asking a child that has never driven before to drive a car across town. They are not equipped to complete the task in front of them – not because they’re a bad person, but because they lack the emotional tools at this stage in their sobriety. So when relapse happens, why is it a surprise?

Avoiding the Easier, Softer Way

One of the hallmark behavioral traits of an addict is the propensity to take the easier, softer way. We don’t like to get uncomfortable. In fact, we actively avoid it at all costs (hence our obsession with using drugs and alcohol!). In early sobriety, we still think and feel much the same way that we did in active addiction. This is because we have not had adequate time to recover and turn over the internal stones necessary to rewire the thinking and behaviors that have become second nature in the course of our addictions. So expecting a young person with a few short months sober to “know what’s best for them”, is an unrealistic expectation that sets them up for relapse.

Addicts will choose the easier, softer way 9 times out of 10. This means that the shiny bells and whistles that a treatment or recovery option offers are always going to be a lot more important to them than any evidence of actual recovery produced by a program. Red flags should be going off at this point – maybe part of the reason the individual has not be able to stay sober on their own is because of this kind of thinking?

Real recovery takes work. This doesn’t mean that it has to be a miserable, draconian experience – it does mean though, that the easier softer way is usually not effective.

Setting Yourself Up For Relapse

If you are seeking professional help for a problem that you and your child have been unable to solve independently, why allow them to hijack the process. The addiction treatment and recovery industry is filled with a wide range of options when it comes to getting sober. There are different modalities, methods, types of programs and approaches. There are also professionals that have seen and helped a lot of people get sober. Wouldn’t it make sense to let the professionals do their jobs when you are dealing with something as serious as a young person’s life?

While many young, newly sober addicts may mean well and fully intend to stay sober, their ability to make choices that will steer them away from relapse is not yet developed. That’s why they’re in the situation that they are in. When a newly sober addict dictates the terms of their treatment, they are setting themselves up for relapse.

If Their Way Worked, They Wouldn’t Need Treatment

The easiest way to sum this whole concept up is with a single statement. If their way, on their terms, worked, they would not need treatment in the first place. How often this simple but true statement seems to get forgotten in the process of recovery. While it is tempting to hope for the best and believe that a newly sober addict has gotten their wits about them and is now squarely on a path to success after a few short months, it is usually just not the case. If we had the ability to fix ourselves, with the same thinking and perception that we relied on during our addiction, there would be no need for counselors, 12 step fellowships, support or assistance of any sort.

Albert Einstein once said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them”. While addicts have to get engaged in their own recovery in order for it to be successful, they shouldn’t be the ones to dictate how it is going to look.

5 Comments
  • George Bertram
    Posted at 04:38h, 16 August Reply

    I do not dispute that the patient’s thinking is impaired, but the thinking of most professionals in the treatment field isn’t much better, so “turning one’s life over” to them is problematic on multiple levels. The solution is to focus on teaching the patient a very simple method of written metacognition so that they can practice correcting their own thinking problems from the very start. This inspires trust and confidence instead of the fear and mistrust associated with demanding that they submit to and have faith in the thinking of people and methods they have no experience with or basis for rationally trusting in.

    • Howard Barker
      Posted at 21:44h, 17 August Reply

      Interesting perspective – I agree that teaching a newly sober individual how to think rather than forcing them to “submit” is the goal of any effective recovery program. Turning one’s life over to any person is counterproductive to recovery, which directs us to connect to something larger than any one individual. I do however believe that sufficient guidance is required in order to help bring someone out of the intense mental fog and emotional upheaval of early sobriety. This can be done effectively without forcing someone to “submit” to a professional.

    • Stephen Trudeau
      Posted at 02:07h, 18 August Reply

      George, could you please direct me to some material on the “method of written metacognition” This really intrigues me.

  • Rosemarie Coc
    Posted at 22:54h, 19 August Reply

    Can any one direct me to a program or something, for those who have been sober for many years and is falling slowly back into there addiction and old habits

    • Howard Barker
      Posted at 02:41h, 20 August Reply

      Hi Rosemarie, if you want to give us a call at 888-357-7577 we will be able to get a better idea of which direction to point you in!

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