A Relationship with My Son Through Al-Anon

When my son first got sober it was recommended I try Al-Anon.   It took me a while but eventually I found an Al-Anon meeting that was a good fit for me. And now Al-Anon is an important part of my life.

I had always wanted to attend a parent Al-Anon meeting to help me more specifically with my issues regarding my son.  However there were no parent meetings in my area that I could fit into my schedule. With the help and encouragement of my Al-Anon friends, we started a new parent Al-Anon meeting. I now attend this new parent Al-Anon meeting on Monday nights in Rancho Bernardo, as well as a Scripps Ranch meeting on Thursday afternoons. I am grateful for these meetings and all the other meetings that I attend.

As my son was going thru a long-term recovery house not only did I want him to get well, I also wanted to have a better relationship with him; before he went into recovery our relationship was pretty bad. As he was working on staying sober and becoming healthier, both mentally and physically, I wanted to work on becoming healthier too. Al-Anon has helped me do that with the tools of the program: steps, slogans, traditions, literature, meetings, and a wonderful sponsor.   I’m learning that my main responsibility is to take care of myself. As a result I have a better relationship with my son, one where I am letting him live his own life.

Al-Anon has given me many new insights. I have come to realize that I didn’t cause my son’s problem with drugs and alcohol, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it. But I can continue to love him and give him the dignity to live his own life. I try to listen to him with my ears and my heart without giving advice. I share events in my life with him, both joys and sorrows, and I enjoy spending quality time with him. Each day I pray for him as well as others in my life. This helps when I begin to worry. I can turn my concerns over to my Higher Power and “let go and let God.”   I am learning to pray for guidance before I speak so that I watch my words; words have the power to bless or to wound.   I have also learned that “expectations are pre-meditated resentments.” When I feel I need to talk something through I can call an Al-Anon friend.   I can write down my concerns, pray about them, and/or put them in my “God Box.” I can read my Al-Anon literature, even if I’ve read it before, I gain new insights each time I read it again. Every day I try to write about something that I am grateful for – not to dwell on the past or the future – but to live just for today. These are things I’ve learned in Al-Anon that I work on daily and they help me in all areas of my life, including building a better relationship with my son.

-A Grateful Mom

1Comment
  • Leanne
    Posted at 04:55h, 16 August Reply

    My relationship fell totally apart with my mother as a teen. Now I’m in my 30s we are as close as any mother and daughter can be but it took a lot of genuinely letting go of things from the past.
    Now I am a mother of a soon to be teenage daughter, I am making a very conscious effort to make sure things don’t head off in that direction again. I also leaned on alcohol during those years and I don’t want to be the reason my daughter feels she needs to fall in to those habits.
    You are great for putting the effort in for both yourself and your child, there are many who wouldn’t unfortunately.

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